Talk:Zig Novak/@comment-3575890-20140601151923/@comment-3575890-20160528015609
Lol remember this post? Well I'm adding to it. So by some improbable stroke of luck, she's now all yours. Now what do you do? Start treating her like shit again obviously. Princess Zigmund is here with more tips to ensure she never gets away again Let's start with a romantic setting for consummating your love. Most would think the cliche scenario with the candles and the rose petals, but nope! Not this relationship. Guys, if you really want to get her going, take her to your drug dealer who doubles as a killer and rapist's house for some sweet lovemaking. Before you do the dirty though, make sure you take a fuck ton of MDMA with her. It will take the edge off. You will barely know what's happening as the two of you will be high as a kite, but well, it won't be anymore awkward in those condition than if you're sober because - let's face it - the ladies aren't exactly writing home about your amazing lovemaking skills. It's okay though. If she loves you, the two-second pump and quiver will be enough for you. If you get off, she'll get off...mentally. It's good enough for you, it's good enough for her. Now guys, let's say that something goes awry and your drug dealer comes after you. The prudes would suggest breaking up with the girl, but there's no reason you can't have both. Running for your lives from drug lords will if anything amp up her sex drive and play on her Twilight-inspired fantasies. In the event that she dies at any point, make sure you have a fall-back. Guys, if at some point she doesn't want to have sex again after, know that there's something severely wrong and you MUST pester the answer out of her. As your girlfriend, it is her responsibility to submit to your needs 24/7. Remember the lesson earlier - no means yes. So keep cajoling until she elbows you in the face. Usually that's a sign it's time to quit..for now. Or at least take a five minute breather. Don't give up entirely. After all, coercion is what got you this far, right? Guys, remember, if she ever establishes a relationship, even if platonic, with another guy at any point she is cheating on you. Therefore, it is completely okay to get back at her by sleeping with her arch nemesis should the opportunity arise. Also, guys, if she goes out of town, infidelity doesn't count. You have the hall pass to sleep with as many ladies as you want. OF COURSE if she sleeps or so much as associates herself with anyone of the opposite sex at any point in time so help her God may she rot in the fiery depths of Hell for all eternity. This free pass only applies to YOU. If she finds out about your..tryst (yes, it's not an affair. The Out of Town clause applies), be sure to tell her how damn GOOD it was! That should make her think twice about hurting you. Follow all three steps and she will be putty in your hands in no time. Unless...you're planning to court the other girl, in which case you'll have to work quite a bit harder than this. Happy fuckboying! This message is still brought to you by Princess Zigmund Crybaby Prissy Pants